Can we trust the media telling us the truth in paedophilia cases?

Over the decades there has been a great mistrust of the media. A general conception is ‘The media, like any industry, is driven by profit-making. This is often achieved by creating sensational and attention grabbing news at the price of exaggerating or distorting the truth behind the news stories’. I do not agree with this.

I think in every industry, as in any collective of individuals, there will always be a highly competitive people, who will seek to achieve their aims at ‘whatever’ cost. This includes any profession, not just in the field of journalism.

Is television news really objective? Or are they still trying to entertain us? I think the truth is still there, perhaps with a bit of ‘spin’ to win over more viewers on occasions – that is their real currency.

In my experience over the past 3 years, where I have given interviews to the BBC, The Guardian Newspaper and independent journalists, in respect of my abusive past, I do have to say I have found the journalists to be professional and sympathetic to the sensitivities of historic abuse cases.  After all it has been a two-way road, a mutually agreeable arrangement. I have disclosed a lot of information regarding the institutional abuse I suffered in the 1970’s, to support their story and in return I have been able to support numerous police investigations by using the media to appeal for witnesses to come forward. It is evident that following newspaper stories, both national and regional, together with regional news exposure on the BBC, people did make contact with the police. All newspaper articles are also available on the Internet, globally.

I would encourage people to support journalistic pieces on abuse and mental health awareness.  This is the best way to get your stories out there.  Social media is powerful, but the known media sources are the established routes.  Post October 2012, the Savile era, as I like to call it, has seen a huge momentum in public support for police investigations into historic abuse in the UK and quiet rightly too.  People are outraged and horrified and want to know what happened?  Other common questions are – Why was nothing done about it? And what is being done about it now?

Many victims of historic child abuse have been silent for decades, self-stigmatised and wrongly too ashamed to speak out, but now with so many cases being pursued and gaining convictions, they taken the brave step of speaking up.  The media have been very supportive of that to a certain extent, apart from some obvious bias being given to the celebrity cases. It would seem generally, that the momentum to remove the veil of secrecy off child abuse is continuing.

The media as a whole are very careful now in the way they handle historic abuse investigation, only reporting on substantiated facts and making sure allegations are labelled as such.   A lot of lessons were learnt in November 2012, when Allister McAlpine was mistakenly implicated in the North Wales child abuse scandal, after the BBC Newsnight programme accused an unnamed “senior Conservative” of abuse. McAlpine was widely rumoured on Twitter and other social media platforms to be the person in question.  After The Guardian reported that the accusations were the result of mistaken identity, McAlpine issued a strong denial that he was in any way involved.  The accuser, a former care home resident, unreservedly apologised after seeing a photograph of McAlpine and realising that he had been mistaken, leading to a report in The Daily Telegraph that the BBC was “in chaos”. The BBC also then apologised.

It is fairly evident that the upper echelons of our society, the hegemonic, have been involved in child sexual abuse for decades and it is only now, post Savile, that the extent of implication and cover-up is becoming known.  This is where we need strong, independent investigative journalists and I know of some that are not letting go of those cases unless they are forced to do so.  In November, 2012 the Media were ‘gagged over bid to report MP Child sex cases’.  The Security Services were accused of aiding a Westminster paedophilia cover-up – see the Guardian.

I support media coverage of child abuse cases and trials.  I also see the great benefit to be gained from survivors of child abuse speaking out and telling their stories.  It is from this that we as a society learn.  We cannot truly protect our children unless we know what paedophiles do and how they do it.

Raising Awareness for Victims and Survivors of Child Abuse – UK – Ravsca

RAVSCA is a project to Raise Awareness for Victims and Survivors of Child Abuse through a photographic exhibition to be held in July / August 2015.  A worthy cause that has my support.

Take a look at their Facebook page: FACEBOOK RAVSCA

Database of UK and Eire paedophiles/child abusers

I would like to highlight and recommend this incredible resource that every parent or person concerned with child safety should be aware of:

Database of UK and Eire – Paedophiles and Child Abusers

Please visit this site and sign their petition.

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I AM NOT MOURNING YOUR DEATH

“Any man’s death diminishes me” – John Donne (24 January 1572 – 31 March 1631 / London, England).

I was informed of the death of 4 men last year (2014). All of these men that had died during 2014, had been named by me (and others) in police statements.  Most of the men had taken their own lives. We had made allegations of indecent assaults and violent physical assaults against these individuals which related to our time together at Kesgrave Hall School, near Ipswich, Suffolk. The allegations were historic and related to the middle to late part of the 1970’s. The men had virtually all died quite violently, or certainly unpleasantly.  It is this knowledge that created a state of uncertainty as to how I should feel about their passing.  At various times throughout 2014, I received police visits or phone calls to tell me of their deaths. After the initial shock of hearing about their deaths, the predicament I faced with that knowledge, was whether I was happy that they had died or not.

It was not just a case of whether I should be celebrating the death of some extremely unpleasant paedophiles and sadists, who had harmed my friends and I greatly, there was the matter of was it right to revel in another man’s death?

I am not overly religious, but I consider myself to be a Christian in my morals and values and I certainly support altruistic values. These monsters ideally did not deserve to die, instead they should have been suffering incarceration and solitary conditions for the rest of their lives, so they could contemplate the harm and devastation they have caused to others, through their depraved and destructive actions. In taking their own lives, or in death, not only have their victims been denied justice, the secret of their disgusting behaviour is hidden away from public scrutiny.  Consider the injustice of a victim of abuse keeping the harm of the assaults they suffered secret, because of the stigma associated to it – when the perpetrator who undoubtedly has attacked numerous young people, is allowed to fulfil a protected life, due to the silence of the victims.

In looking for positives for the death of these men, there is some satisfaction to be gained in the knowledge that they would no longer be in a position to harm any other young person. It is fairly evident, when you look at the career history of these men, that given the opportunity they would start to groom young people. In whatever they did, they would invariably gravitate towards young people.  Although the investigation in Suffolk is still active, I am no longer part of this, due to the untimely death of these individuals. I will therefore name the four men.

Alan Stancliffe – aged 65 – Pontefract, Yorkshire.  (Former Teacher/House Parent) He was being questioned (again) by Suffolk Police on allegations of indecent assault/behaviour relating to boys from the age of 11 to 16, in the 1970’s at Kesgrave Hall School, Ipswich, Suffolk.

http://www.eadt.co.uk/news/kesgrave_three_time_convicted_paedophile_teacher_alan_stancliffe_dies_while_on_bail_facing_fourth_set_of_child_sex_allegations_1_3796796

Kenneth Scott (Wheatley) – aged 62 – Barnsley, Yorkshire. (Former Teacher/House Parent) Threw himself under a train following his arrest for indecent assault/behaviour relating to boys from the age of 11 to 16, in the 1970’s at Kesgrave Hall School, Ipswich, Suffolk.  He was also arrested by the National Crime Agency in respect of allegations against him from the North Wales Care Homes (Operation Pallial).

http://www.eadt.co.uk/news/convicted_paedophile_arrested_in_kesgrave_hall_and_north_wales_child_abuse_inquiries_took_his_own_life_two_days_later_inquest_told_1_3899644

David Brockman – aged 59 – Huntingdon, Cambridgeshire.  (Former Teacher/House Parent – last known position – Huntingdon Community Radio – Management and Youth Worker) Heart attack prior to arrest for allegations of indecent assault and physical assault against boys from the age of 11 to 16, in the 1970’s at Kesgrave Hall School, Ipswich, Suffolk.

http://www.huntspost.co.uk/news/obituary_huntingdon_radio_stalwart_david_brockman_dies_aged_59_1_3602088

Michael Lafford – aged 67 – Bicester, Oxfordshire. (Former Teacher/House Parent – last known position – Ofsted School Inspector) Took an Overdose prior to arrest for allegations of assault against boys from the age of 11 to 16, in the 1970’s at Kesgrave Hall School, Ipswich, Suffolk.

http://www.oxfordmail.co.uk/news/11655764.Ex_teacher_died_after_swallowing_pills_during_police_raid__inquest_told/?ref=mr

It took some time to mentally process the death of these men.  It is a great shame that the brave victims of these men were denied justice.  The young boys that were affected by them will never truly get over what they did to them.  It is right not to celebrate their deaths, but there is no need to mourn their passing. It is my opinion that the world is a better, safer place without them being in it.

I DON’T LIKE HEARING ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU

Being a victim of child sexual abuse, and the violence and ritual humiliation that goes along with it from the age of 6 until 16 was horrific, as I am sure most people reading this will understand.  Living with that inside my head and not telling a living sole (outside of the institution where it occurred for 34 years) created a wide spectrum of mental health related conditions that I have struggled with over the decades.

Today, I am able to talk openly about it, write about it and campaign for more awareness of the discrimination and misconceptions associated with it, because I broke the cycle.  I admitted to myself that I needed help.  I asked for help and it was granted.  Years of psychotherapy being the main route of treatment for me and seeking justice through supporting police investigations and attending Court to give evidence, being another route.  The key feature here is the process of ‘talking’ about what happened. Difficult at first, but if people are willing to listen, it becomes easier with time.  The more you talk, the more you want to talk and the greater the benefit to you.  I should make it clear that it was in no way easy to deal with what happened to me head on, but I had too.  I could never have any quality of life until I put many demons and ghosts to rest. Great respect can be afforded to anyone undertaking such a process.  This an extremely brave and courageous act for a former abuse victim to undertake.  To go back and face your abuser/s and to relive the horrors is and act that earns my highest respect.

I am very fortunate to have many supportive and understanding friends and family, who want to hear my story and want to help me.  I am reminded here of an article I read in the Guardian during May 2014, by Alex Renton (http://www.theguardian.com/society/2014/may/04/abuse-britain-private-schools-personal-memoir).  In the article, Alex speaks of why he decided to confront his demons in relation to his time as a boy at the Private School, Ashdown House and the abuse he suffered.  This is a recommended read and I applaud Alex for his openness. Alex’s experiences were at the other end of the social scale to mine, but then it goes to show that paedophiles and sadists do not conform to class barriers. One phrase Alex writes on talking to people about his abusive past is “These were war stories: they made us feel special.”

That is something I can relate to.  My ten years of emotional, physical and sexual abuse can easily be contributed to a ‘war story’.  It was a horrific ordeal that I somehow survived.  It is my war story and I feel I have earned the right to talk about it.

Many people find what happened to me inconceivable, when first being told about it.  The majority of people, although shocked, are willing to listen to what I have to say.  Some are not so willing.  It is important for victims of abuse to talk.  It is equally important for all of us to listen to someone who is trying to tell us about it.  As a society, we cannot truly prevent child abuse happening, unless we learn about the what, who, when and where, including modus operandi, grooming methods and signs of abuse having taken place.

There are a number of factors that come into play here. Child abuse as a subject is very much like mental health illness, surrounded by taboo, misconception and ignorance.  Both subjects are linked in that way, in addition to the mental health illness caused by the abuse itself.

People that have suffered or suppressed their own abuse may not be ready or willing to listen to someone talking about abuse.  The danger of triggering someone when talking about abuse is something I have always been aware of.  I would always say to anyone who is affected by what I say and believe that they were abused, to speak to their GP or the Police.

A lot of people feel ashamed and unable to talk about abuse. They can wrongly think that it shows personal weakness. They think it reflects on them as a failure. If it is their children who have suffered abuse at the hands of others, they think it reflects their failure as parents. This self-inflicted stigma can make it difficult for these people to speak about or abuse and to listen.

Of course, we also do need to understand that some people just do not care about abuse and will be completely closed off to it.  ‘Burying of the head in the sand’ is a human condition after all.  It is normally easy to identify these people quite quickly in a conversation.

Encouraging a victim of abuse and helping them talk about it, is a great thing to do.  It does not matter how long ago it happened, it is not something a person is likely to get over, ever.

When a victim of abuse starts to talk and tells you about their abuse, you have been placed in a privileged position by that person.  The abuse is their deepest, darkest secret and details of which have generally been locked away deeply and rarely spoken of.  They would not be talking to you unless they felt they could trust you.  Be worthy of that trust.

In return, acknowledgement is all that is needed from you.  Sympathy, although well meant, is not going to heal anything.  Empathy does count for a lot.  It is easier to empathise with a victim, when you have been a victim yourself.  Generally, all that the victim is looking for is someone to listen.

I have encountered reactions of people immediately changing the subject, finding excuses to leave or just making jokes of it. Hurtful and very damaging.  The worse reaction I experienced was my biological father, the first person I opened up to and properly spoke to about the abuse I suffered.  He called me a liar and accused me of just wanting to get some money out of it – Very Hurtful.  After that reaction, I did not speak about it again for another 12 years.

Talking about abuse brings it into the open. Removing the taboo and secrecy from abuse is the goal.

IT’S OK NOT TO LIKE EVERYONE

Everyone has an opinion, but remember an opinion is ‘just an opinion’.

Let’s be honest, there are some people who after 5 minutes of meeting that person for the first time, you just know they are ‘not your kind of person’.  Trust your own initial judgment, in my experience it is generally never wrong.  It has taken me too many years to realise that I had wasted so much effort in trying to win people over or to endlessly try to engage with people, who clearly did not like me.  The outcome, in most cases did not win them over and left me feeling angry or upset because of the negative influence of all of that wasted time and energy.  No one is worth compromising your own mental well-being.

This is more than just worrying about what people think about you.  I used to suffer from that strain of false correctness, but thankfully nearly not as much today.  We really should not give a monkeys’ what people think about us, but of course some of us do.  It is in our nature to always want to be seen to be doing the right thing and do actually care about that.  Others of course do not.  For those that do, it is about learning how to compromise that part of our makeup and just ‘let it go’ (I can picture you singing that now!!).

For many years, following a career of police and security training, I have always relied on snap judgement. When approaching a situation or people, I was trained to undertake a ‘dynamic risk assessment’ to quickly gauge all factors influencing the situation and to identify dangers.  This is a process I try to employ when dealing with people also.  It sadly doesn’t always work, but then we cannot always factor in influences external to our control. Generally though, it is normally spot on.  Even with a clearly defined, operational internal radar, set to identify those caustic to me, I still allow some into my influence circle.  

Why?

Intimate space – ranges from touching to about 18 inches (46 cm) apart, and is reserved for lovers, children, close family members, close friends, and pet animals. If any of these people were destructive to us and we really did not like them, it is unlikely that they would have progressed to that level.

Personal distance begins about an arm’s length away; starting around 18 inches (46 cm) from the person and ending about 4 feet (122 cm) away. This space is used in conversations with friends, some family members, colleagues, and people in group discussions. For me, I think this is the zone in which we can compromise ourselves and allow a destructive force into our heads. The rules of engagement are slightly different when we are at work.  Others are forced into our personal zone through our employment, whether we want them there or not.  Very often we are thrust into regularly daily contact with people who clearly do not like us.  We should of course have decided that we do not like them either, but we do not always readily arrive that (maybe we do on some occasions).  For some considerable time, we may try different approaches to attempt to win that person over.  The difficulty remaining, is the need for us to remain professional and to be able to fulfill the conditions of our employment contracts. Keep it professional and do not divulge any personal information.  Sometimes this dynamic can change, but in my experience – always trust your initial judgement.  This is a privileged zone and we expect all people in this zone to be nice and be supportive.

Social distance ranges from 4 to 8 feet (1.2 m – 2.4 m) away from the person and is reserved for strangers, newly formed groups, and new acquaintances. There is minimal emotional commitment in this zone, so if you don’t really like someone and visa versa, you have no real need to engage with them regularly or again.

Public distance includes anything more than 8 feet (2.4 m) away, and is used for speeches, lectures, and theater. Public distance is essentially that range reserved for larger audience.

Negative people like any negative influence should be avoided at all times. When that is not possible, keep engagement short, sharp and on a business level and do not divulge any personal information, to better protect yourself. Look after your mental state and don’t let others drag you down.

Music really was a life saver.

1969 was a dark time in my history. One day in late September, 1969, at the age of 6, I went on an adventure. I was sold this vision of ‘you are going to see your new school’. What I was not made clear of, was that the school was a privately owned boarding school in Heanton, North Devon and I would not be returning to my life at home with my sister and family for another 10 years. Short visits home were going to become short holidays, in contrast to what was normality for other children. Being 275.4 miles away from home is quite a shock to a 6 year old boy. The indecent assaults started on the very first day, on the coach trip from Paddington Station to Heanton. The beatings and humiliation were not far behind. This soon became the norm. It was only a few days in the system before I started to cut myself off from all those around me. Withdrawing into myself for my own protection. Disassociating myself from all that was happening to me and around me. OCD soon set in. This was my way of retaining some control for myself, in the chaos I had been plunged into. I had a small transistor radio, not unsimilar to the one in the blog picture. I cant recall if I brought the radio with me from home, or if I swapped or bartered for it from one of the other boys. The radio was my best friend and listening to music became the best distraction ever. I was at Heanton School until 1975 and the attended Kesgrave Hall School, Ipswich until 1980. The radio was always with me and night it served to transport me to another world. A world of great music and lyrics that helped me forgot my life. At night, we slept in dormitories which held between 6 and 9 pupils. I placed the radio under my pillow and lost myself in the music. The early seventies were a great time for music, with Fleetwood Mac, Pink Floyd, Deep Purple, Blue Oyster Cult, Uriah Heap to name but a few bringing some pleasure to my life. Some of the European Stations were great then and easily accessible in the medium wave band. The indecent assaults happened virtually every night, with the assailants being male members of staff. You knew when they were coming and you remained silent whilst they were with you.  It was not worth trying to stop events, it only made things worse. These men were physically bigger and stronger. Let events progress quickly and then they would leave you. That was the best way, it was going to happen any way.  The radio served you well when the these things were happening to others in the room. Pressing your ear into the pillow, with the radio secreted underneath, you could ignore what was happening to another boy and concentrate on the music. I could not have imagined how I would have coped back then without music to lose myself in. In the same way, over the years since leaving the last school, I have still enjoyed music and enjoy a wide spectrum of genres today.

Mental Health and Child Sexual Abuse Awareness

This blog is dedicated to discussing child sexual abuse issues and mental health awareness.

IT IS GOOD TO TALK

I have mental health issues, for which I receive treatment. Being mentally unwell is not a choice, it is an illness.  If I had a broken arm you would see that I was not as well as I could be.  It does not make me different and it does not make me dangerous.  Most days I can function normally.  I am very good at hiding it and unless I tell you, you would not have any idea. It is something I am happy to talk about, because for me there is no longer any stigma attached to it. Sadly discrimination and stigma still surround mental health issues.

It has been a lifetime condition that I have carried with me from a young age and it is something that I have learnt how to live with. It has not been a good journey and I eventually asked for help a few years ago. I have seen major improvement. In dealing with it, I attend regular sessions of psychotherapy.  I do not take medication and have only done so on rare occasions.

It is overtly evident to me that misconceptions about mental health conditions are still present in our society. A general reluctance to discuss mental health is something I experience daily.  I am willing to share information about my mental health. Talking about it makes me feel empowered and justified.  It is a great shame that not everyone I occasion is just as willing to listen to me talking about it.

How was my mental health affected:

I AM A SURVIVOR OF CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE

I have posted a picture of me from 1972. I was between the age of 7 and 8. I am in my school uniform and travelling home from North Devon to Margate. By the time this picture was taken I had already been subjected to over 1 year of systemic, institutional maltreatment, involving mental, physical and sexual abuse in the independent, residential schooling system. For me this abuse was to continue for another 9 years, only ending when I left the boarding school system in 1980.

I was removed from my home in 1970 by Kent County Council and handed over to Heanton School Ltd, a privately run boarding school in North Devon, where I remained until 1975. In 1975, instead of coming back home to Margate and mainstream schooling, Kent County Council allowed Heanton School Ltd to keep me and they transferred me to Kesgrave Hall School Ltd near Ipswich, Suffolk, from 1975 to 1980. Kesgrave Hall School was owned by Mr. Vivian Thomas Charles Davies, the headmaster and Director of Heanton School.

I revealed this information on social media last year (2014) – It served to be one of the best moves I had ever made. The secret of my 10 years of being a victim of historic child abuse has been a destructive force that has eaten away at me for over 4 decades. Although buried deeply inside me, it has affected my moods, my behavior and relationships, both private and professional since leaving school in 1980. It was liberating to be able to talk openly about it.

KEEPING QUIET WAS SO DESTRUCTIVE

In keeping quiet and internalising the assaults and violence that I suffered as a child, I have in part created my own mental health problems, in addition to protecting the identity of the paedophiles and sadists that controlled the violent, independent school system that I attended in the 1970’s.

I elected to speak out. The veil of secrecy that has hidden the abuse I suffered at boarding school has been something that I have felt ashamed of and guilty about for the majority of my life. This secrecy has also protected the monsters that preyed on me and many others for decades, allowing them to continue with their seemingly respectable lives, hiding behind the church, other schools, etc. After a lot of support and help over the past few years, I am now conscious of the fact that I had nothing to feel ashamed and guilty about. I had done nothing wrong. I was a child and I was trying to survive!!

SPEAK UP AND SPEAK OUT

Child sexual abuse is disgusting and is more prevalent in the UK than a lot of people realise.  It was perpetrated openly and covered up widely during the 1970’s into the 1980’s, although it has always been there and still happens today sadly .  We need to encourage victims of abuse to speak out to prevent the shroud of secrecy being pulled over this abhorrent plague again.

Paedophiles are dangerous individuals who destroy entire families and not just individuals. They leave a trail of destruction in their path.

Talk is powerful, it heals mental health illness and opens doors that once were firmly closed.